August 28, 2014

After reading the topic for the final blog post, I struggled with trying to pick an adulthood memory that stood out to me most. I was sitting at a park close to my house and it hit me when I heard the soft cry of a little baby.

Being only nineteen, I don’t have very many “adult” experiences yet, but out of the few I HAVE had, there is one special memory that will stay with me forever. Once I heard that crying baby, it reminded me of when my sister had her first little one, a baby boy, Jackson Lee.

 Now, for a little bit of background on my family, I have two older sisters whom are both in their thirties and are married. My oldest sister out of the two, was blessed with having three beautiful children: Abby, Connor, and Shelby. Melissa, the younger one, was told that she could never give birth to a child and that it would be nearly impossible. However, she so desperately wanted to have children with her husband and she decided that it was up to her to try everything possible in order for her wish to come true.

 Sure enough, after multiple doctor visits and reassuring tests, she received the greatest news that she was indeed pregnant! … With TWINS. My family and I were all so joyous and ecstatic for them and their wonderful memories to come. It was a true miracle. I will never forget how happy we all were.

As maybe a month went on, some rather not such positive news came about and Melissa was informed that she had lost one of the twins.  Now remained a single baby inside.

 Knowing that the doctors said how hard and impossible the chances of her getting pregnant were, we knew there would be some complications. We did not know, however, how terrible or devastating they would be.

 After several prayers and an enormous amount of support, she held her head up high and focused on preparing to deliver that baby which we soon found out was a BOY, by taking excellent care of herself for that precious unborn child, whose name was to be Jackson Lee Sims.  

The complications still went on for months: Melissa’s body, the baby’s health, and MANY unexpected trips to the Hospital where she felt extreme pain as if she was going into labor. At this time, the baby was much too early to be born and the doctor was concerned about the result if she went into labor so soon.

 This gave everyone in the family, especially my sister, the feeling of worry while also desperate for hope and keeping a strong faith in God.

One specific night I can remember, when Melissa was finally told by the doctor that the baby was ready to come, my best friend, KateLynn, went with me to check on her at the Hospital. Not too long before we got there, I heard a nurse say that Melissa was trying to go into labor. That went on ALL night.

Too late to go get food in the cafeteria, Kate and I scrounged up all the change and cash we had to raid the yucky vending machines down the hall since we were starving. She, my niece, sister, mom, Melissa’s mother in law, father, and I all patiently sat in the waiting room for the official word that it was time.

We ended up staying there until 7 A.M. the next day. Let me repeat that. SEVEN A.M. She never went into actual labor that night.

“C’MON BABY JACKSON, LETS GET A MOVE ON” is what my oldest sister, Christy, kept shouting because let me just say, those hard leather couches in the waiting room certainly felt the way they looked when sleeping on them.

Finally, the VERY next day after we all went home, washed up, and got some rest, I received the phone call. THE phone call. Every one arrived once again, but this time, there would be a new addition later that day.

Once Melissa got her epidural, people began exiting the Hospital room to sit outside while she was in labor. I too, along with the others, slowly started making my way out when I heard Melissa call back that she wanted me to be there in the room with the other women and watch her have the baby. ........And. Watch. Her. Have. The. Baby.

I’m not so sure about other eighteen year olds, but watching someone conceive was NOT in my best interest. I choked up an, “Are you sure”, hoping one of the nurses would say there were too many people or something, but of course not and there I was about to witness a person giving birth for the first time in my LIFE!

Don’t worry, I’m not going to discuss any further details about the birth or anything like that, but I can honestly say that it was an amazing and unforgettable experience. THIS is what made me feel like an adult ever since I turned eighteen years old.

We all held hands with tears rushing down from our eyes as the first little cry of a new baby boy was born. Six pounds and fifteen point eight ounces. Nineteen and a half inches long. My perfect nephew, Jackson Lee, was born on August 28, 2014.

The whole experience changed who I was and has stuck with me ever since.

 Witnessing the birth of a child made me not only grow up, but it made me realize how precious life is and the power of an unconditional love. He was so tiny and yet weren’t we all once that tiny?

 I think often people take for granted their life and don’t appreciate it enough.

 This special memory sticks with me every day when I look around and see how today’s world is full of evil and hate. Then I am reminded of when I saw my nephew for the first time, when all I could feel was love and happiness.

 No matter what any mean thing someone had said to me prior to that moment, it didn’t matter anymore.

 I loved that baby more than anything. I loved my parents. I loved my sister and was so proud of her. I loved all of my other nieces and nephews. I loved all of the mean people in the world. I loved my LIFE. And most importantly, after truly witnessing a miracle and the birth of my beautiful nephew, I STILL do.

 I'm glad I never left the Hospital room. 
 

The Writing and Research Process for Paper #3

When deciding which essay to expand on for the research paper, I had trouble with picking which one that would be best to research about online. Once I re read each essay and came up with some ideas for the research paper, I found that the comparison of two poems essay really interested me more and made me want to go beyond just the similarities and differences between the two poems. My goal is to really pull out the heart of each poem and expand in a way that has more depth about the actual importance in the meanings of the two works.

 The two poems that I closely looked at in my second essay were “Slowly” by Donna Masini and “The Cove” by Dick Allen. The first poem talks about the slow process in realizing the death of a loved one whereas the other focuses on the fear of dying. So ultimately, my theme in that essay was about death.

However, for the research paper, rather than just talk about death, I really want to take it to the next level and search for deeper meanings or feelings about dying and the different kinds of impacts it has on people around the world. Death is such a serious matter and often ignored or not talked about and I want to strive to show how people react and the real effects it has on real people.

After figuring out my main focus for the paper, I made a list of search terms in order to help successfully find what I am looking for at the Academic Search Complete online database. Some of these terms included: fear of death, stages of grief, loved one, psych*, feelings of death, and emotion* from dying. When trying out different terms and looking for articles that fit well with my purpose for the paper, I found that it was very difficult in doing this.

 After typing multiple different words to search, I tried to narrow down my searches by changing the publication date, the subject, and making sure it was in full text mode. There were several articles that came up which were not what I was searching for, but after playing with the site and continuing changing around the search terms, I did find a few that seemed to be pretty on point for my expanding topic about death.

A couple articles that caught my eye were “The normal process of grieving” and “A special way of being afraid”. These two became noticeable once I typed in stages of grieving in the search bar. I think that both of these articles will help further explain in my research paper about the true feelings of people every day after a loved one has passed away and also, the natural yet terrifying fear of dying.

With these two articles and hopefully a few more, I plan to use them to back up my observations about death from the poems and elaborate more on an emotional or psychological element.

Throughout this process of researching and finding good information to add in my paper, it has been a little hard and a bit intimidating because there is so much research online about death, but I am looking for the exact articles which really go beyond just death. However, I am ready for the challenge in finding the rest of secondary sources and to start writing my research paper. I hope to grab people’s attention and make them feel the emotions behind the harsh subject of death.